I have been having lots of mixed emotions lately. Last night we were at mom's looking at the travel system and it hit me that in just a few short weeks, there will be a baby in that seat. I wanted to cry!
I have waited for this moment in my life for so long, but I am so scared!! I am scared of delivery. I am scared of raising her! I know that it is just a moment by moment thing with kids. But what if one thing that I do wrong now, messes with her entire future! I know that I need to just relax and let each day come and go. But for someone like me that likes to me in control, its so hard!!!
Levette and I were raised so differently. Some things we have a hard time agreeing on. He was the baby of 5, came late in his parents' lives, so he kind of got to do what he wanted, when he wanted. He says that I was way too sheltered and spoiled..... One thing we do agree on for the most part though is discipline. Zoey will get spankings (not beatings) and I DARE someone to say something to me about it. Because if she is acting crazy in public, she's gonna get a whoopin' in public!
I don't want my child to be one of those that when we are coming over or are out somewhere, people are like oh, gah, Zoey is going to be there. I know a few of those kids! lol. And then there are the kids like Peyton and Brystal (our niece and nephew) who I have never seen act up in public or even at my house. You tell them once to do something, and they do it (or don't depending on the case).
I know that I am a spoiled brat. I have (almost) always gotten my way. A perk of being the oldest ;) And I know that I got away with a lot. But a lot was also expected of me. I may have been a pain in the butt, but I did graduate high in my class,with honors, was in clubs, blah blah blah. When I set out to do something, I did it all the way. I want Zo to be like that too. But not have my attitude!!! Trust me, I know I have a bad attitude and a smart mouth! lol.
I want her to have Levette's confidence. He is so sure of himself. And he gets along with everyone. Although he isn't a sociable person. But he carries himself in a way that everyone respects him and likes him.
I know that we can only do the best we can and just ask God to lead us and guide us. We have to put our trust in Him. I know that she will be loved regardless.
I have been so sad lately about my grandfather not being here. I know he is watching us and I am sure he is pleased with our lives, but it would be so great if he were here. He would love having Landen and Issac and Zoey around. I know that he would be riding them around on the lawn mower just like he did with us! I can hear his voice sometimes, if I stop and really think about him. Telling his crazy jokes and trying to convince us that our arms were connected to our mouths. lol. I know that his great grand kids would have loved him just as much as we did. He was a great man.
I go back to the Dr on Tuesday of next week. I am going every 3 weeks now. I am sure that everything is still great. I am doing good for the most part. Just going to the bathroom a lot more. And of course waddling around so uncomfortably. I am hoping for a big burst of energy so that I can get my house cleaned!!
Just 8 1/2 more weeks til my beautiful baby girl will be here...........
Lots of love, Kayla and Zoey!
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